Mark Twain never read books, he just use them to fuel his riverboat.

In an alternate universe, a proudly illiterate Mark Twain pilots a steamboat fueled on books.

After publishing his theory of special relativity, Einstein retires to sail his steamboat accross the oceans with his friend Octopus Wings.

The ship's crew was supposed to report on deck at 2pm, but the captain only saw a magenta winged octopus. Sticking a wiener in his mouth, he realized there had to be a connection between the crew members' inability to swim and this octopus' odd smile.

As captain it's my duty to save those people and kill the octo-monster... but I'd much rather stand here sucking this weiner.