I was whipped by a crazed dwarf in a cave for a month... then I married him!

"... so then the dwarf took me into a cave and whipped me until I agreed to marry him, which wasn't so bad because the diamond on the ring was huge - and that's what I did over the weekend."

I was bummed at first that Cousin It ate my poodle, but it turned out okay because I found a diamond. And that's what I did on my summer vacation.

My wookie won't wear her collar, and she threw my ring into the sea, too.

While in drag and wearing his best novelty highway sash, Chewbacca tossed his golden cockring into the water and shook his fur-fist at an ardent fan who suggested he hang himself with a noose fashioned from the armbands of a norwegian death metal group.